


The Voice Within

by laraanita



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: I'm literally calling the thing ashe is bound to 'hans', because who doesn't love puns, but not actually calling that in the fic, i just call it that personally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 18:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3821026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laraanita/pseuds/laraanita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just after episode 72, as the gang are returning to Xinkala. Ashe reflects a little on what that encounter with the phobias could have meant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Voice Within

_Hello? Is there someone there?_

**_Ah, so you’re the new Guardian._ **

_Everyone says so. I’m only six, don’t see how I’m s’posed to guard anything. I can’t even pick up the sword they gave me yet._

****

**_Heh, in time, little wolf._ **

_I’m not a wolf. I’m a girl!_

**_I think you’re very like a wolf. Fierce and protective. Even so small, you’re a force to be reckoned with. I can help with that._ **

_Help with what?_

**_Why, your duty, of course._ **

_…Papa’s calling. I have to go. Will we talk later?_

**_I am always with you little wolf. We shall never be apart._ **

 

-0-

 

**_Hello again little wolf._ **

_…I’m not supposed to talk to you. Papa said you’re bad._

**_Maybe. Do you think I’m bad?_ **

_The elders say it too. Everyone does. But then they say we’re supposed to protect them too._

**_How can we be bad if we’re supposed to protect them?_ **

_…Am I bad too?_

**_No little wolf. You are not bad._ **

_But you are?_

**_…Perhaps you should mind your father, little wolf._ **

****

-0-

 

_The people are afraid of me._

**_Of us._ **

_But why? I never did anything to them, and you’re…you’re with me. You can’t do anything unless I tell you, right? Papa and the druids said so._

**_…It is true I cannot affect the world except by your leave little wolf, and you have not yet learned how to channel my powers through you. A shame, you could protect them so easily with my help._ **

****

_…Would you teach me how?_

**_Little wolf, I would be delighted to show you my powers._ **

_Only to protect them though, right?_

**_You have my word, only to protect._ **

-0-

 

_Father saw me talking to you again. He says I’m lucky the druids weren’t around or they’d have thought you were corrupting me. He still thinks you are._

**_And what do you think little wolf?_ **

_…I don’t know. You’ve never made me hurt someone, or anything. But…_

**_But…?_ **

_Something feels off. I don’t like it. I’ve been off centre feeling for so long and now…_

**_They want to talk to you, don’t they? About me._ **

_The druids. They want me and father to come to them tonight._

**_…_ **

_What’s wrong?_

**_Little wolf, promise me something._ **

_What?_

**_Promise, for the sake of all the years we have been together, that you will not hate me, no matter what you hear from them._ **

_I…_

**_Please little wolf._ **

_I promise._ _How could I hate you? You’re my friend._

**_You would be surprised what a few words can do to change someone’s mind._ **

 

-0-

 

_They told me what you are, what you really are. You’re not a gift, you’re not a blessing; you’re a fucking curse!_

**_Calm down, little wolf –_ **

****

_They told me how to stop you talking to me, how to stop you getting through to me. Stop you trying to corrupt me with your evil thoughts. I trusted you! And you tried to warp me! Destroy me!_

**_...Time for the bindings then. After all these years, I’d hoped we wouldn’t need such things… You’d suffer through such agony just to stop our conversations? After I taught you so well too._ **

_Fuck you! After this, the only way I have to deal with you is on my terms! You won’t corrupt me again!_

**_…Farewell, little wolf._ **

 

-0-

 

_I left Meathe._

**_…Little wolf?_ **

_I abandoned them._

**_Where are we?_ **

****

_I’m on a ship, headed to Alaran. I – I managed to book safe passage. They don’t know I’m-_

**_Best keep it that way for now._ **

_…Gods, what have I done?_

**_Do you regret it?_ **

_…No. I’ve never felt so free._

**_Little wolf, you mustn’t tell-_ **

_I know. Go. I can’t be seen talking to myself – can’t believe I let you out._

**_You were missed, little-_ **

_Don’t. You’re still technically just my prisoner. I shouldn’t even be talking to you._

**_…Of course. My apologies._ **

 

-0-

 

Ashe kept to herself on the way back to Xinkala, mostly silent and resisting the others attempts to draw her into conversation. She kept Kier and Markus between Gregor and herself at all times, running on autopilot as she focused inwards.

 

_Are you there? I need to talk to you._

 

**_…I am here, little wolf._ **

 

She suppressed a shudder at the gravelly, rasping voice and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. She didn’t notice Kier giving her a concerned look. She did notice, however, when he slipped his cape around her shoulders and fastened it at her throat. The kind gesture distracted her from the reluctant conversation she’d been attempting to have.

  
“Kier, what-?”

 

“It’s night, and you’re shivering. I’ll be fine.” He gave her a tired smile and then absently plucked a piece of dead leech from the shoulder of the cloak.

 

“…Thank you.” Ashe murmured and wrapped the still warm cloak around her. It smelled faintly of gunpowder and that horrid green liquid from the spiritfolk, but it was heavy and warm, and that was what mattered.

 

**_Little wolf? You called? Or were you merely checking I was still here after you borrowed my abilities again?_ **

_That’s not…I have a question._

**_Not a demand? Nor a threat? Or a plea for more power pushed past those damned bindings you forced us to get?_ **

Ashe grimaced and tucked her face into the collar of the cape. She’d barely spoken to the thing since they’d left Meathe, except in circumstances which required it. Catching her when they’d been thrown from their lantern, for example, saving Charoth from Gregor, or in the wizard coven when she’d had to break herself and that rotten witch out.

 

_I got the bindings. Not you. There is no we. Not anymore._

**_There used to be._ **

 

She ignored the bitter longing she could faintly feel from the beast and focused on not getting bowled over when Kier and Markus tripped in her direction. She helped them back on their feet and resolutely ignored Gregor as they resumed walking. Gregor was oblivious to her, it seemed.

 

_I need to ask you something._

 

**_So you said. Get on with it then._ **

_…Are you afraid of me?_

**_…What kind of absurd thing gave you that idea?_ **

_The phobias. It…it looked like me. And I don’t think I fear you enough for it to show as that – even if I did, surely it would have just looked like, well, you!_

**_Little wolf, I am not afraid of you._ **

 

Ashe’s eyes widened behind the pointed collar of Kier’s cape as she felt the lie ring through her body. A coldness settled in her gut, solid and uncomfortable.

 

_You are. You’re afraid of me._

**_…No more than you are afraid of me little wolf. It is not fear of me you bear, it is the fear of being left an empty shell._ **

****

_Don’t you think I know what my own fear is? I’ve had more than enough lectures on the subject, thanks, and I know exactly what’s going to happen to me._

**_Do you think I don’t fear that too?_ **

 

Ashe stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wider than ever as the words sank in. “What?”

 

Kier stopped, the only one to pick up her question. Markus paused and peeked past his shoulder, eyebrows shooting up in concern. Gregor hovered close by, gripping his glaive tightly.

 

“Ashe?” Kier took a slow, careful step towards her.

 

**_Little wolf you would be foolish to think that you are the only one concerned about what will happen to you. You are not alone. You will never be alone. And if I have my way, you will never be the empty shell your mother died as._ **

****

“Ashe, you still with us?” Markus ducked past Kier’s arm and came closer, telegraphing his movements so she wouldn’t be started by them. Ashe barely even noticed, not until Markus’ warm hands were laying on her face and tilting her head back so he could see into her eyes. “Ashe?”

 

“I – I’m here Markus, sorry.” Ashe blinked, looking away from the concern she saw on his face plain as day. “I lost myself for a moment, that’s all. You can let go now.”

 

Markus looked hesitant to do so but he nodded and let her go. “You’ve been quiet the whole walk, ever since…are you going to be okay?”

 

**_Little wolf, you are not alone. Trust them, as I wish you trusted me still._ **

 

“I…”

 

“Ashe?”

 

_I’m afraid._

****

**_It would be foolish to be anything less. But you have them. And my powers, if you need them. Go little wolf, enough dwelling with me._ **

“I…I don’t know Markus. Let’s just get back to Xinkala, and I can figure it out in the morning.”

 

Markus and Kier shared a concerned look, but it was Gregor who made the decision for them. “Guys I’m pretty sure I can hear things crawling around in the trees, and I’m really not up for fighting more ban tonight.”

 

“…Let’s go.” Markus relented, drawing back from Ashe. “But you talk to me if you need anything, okay Ashe?”

 

She managed a tiny smile, more like a grimace than anything else, but Markus got the idea anyway. “Okay Markus. I will.”

 

**_That’s my wolf._ **


End file.
